HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
