I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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