why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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