I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
