I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
