If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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