I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
