Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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