I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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