Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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