Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
ok first of all what the fuck
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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