I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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