You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
