sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
