Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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