Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
