She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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