I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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