I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
