is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
