Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
