Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
