Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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