my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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