Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
