I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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