Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
