it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
