just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
