Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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