I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
