I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
