I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
