this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
