I love black thongs
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
