I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
