she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
