just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
