Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
