Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
