After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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