She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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