In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
