would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
