i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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