well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
