i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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