so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
