haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
