dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
