Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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