went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
